All's Fair
by Emony
Summary: Justin "accidentally" sees something that could tear him apart. Pre-Ethan's record deal.
1. Part One

Disclaimer: Queer as Folk isn't mine. It's ShowTime et al's. I've just invited the boys out to play. Hopefully they won't be too damaged when I return them.  
  
Author's Note: The devil made me do it.  
  
It was cool and overcast that afternoon as Ethan stepped into the diner. It wasn't very busy, and after ordering his coffee and making swift small talk with Debbie, he easily found a corner booth to himself. Sighing, he sipped the scalding coffee and pulled out a textbook. Since he'd been skipping class, he thought he should make an attempt at study before going home and crashing. In truth, he was going over the same few lines, never realizing it. His mind was otherwise occupied.  
  
Before long he was interrupted by a briefcase set down noisily in front of him. He looked up from his book, surprised to see Brian looking back at him. "Hi, Ian. Is this seat taken?"  
  
"It's Ethan, and no, but - "  
  
"Right, Ethan, sorry," Brian said, smiling sardonically, as he sat down.  
  
"I'm busy, Brian, what do you want?" Ethan said through gritted teeth.  
  
"Just a little company, is all. You're not expecting anyone, are you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Perfect."  
  
Just then Debbie approached the table, scowling. "Is everything all right here, hon?" she said, directed at Ethan.  
  
Brian replied, still smiling sweetly, "Everything is fine, thank you, Debbie, although I was beginning to wonder when someone would be here to take my order. It'll just be coffee for me today."  
  
"We're all right, Debbie," Ethan said uneasily, unable to stand the scrutiny of her stare.  
  
"All right," she said reluctantly, eyeing them both with suspicion. "I'll be right over here, within earshot, if you need me. Your coffee'll be a minute, I'm brewing a fresh pot." Hesitating, Debbie returned to her duties.  
  
"Good help is hard to find, don't you notice that?" Brian said, casually pulling a newspaper from his briefcase.  
  
Ethan shut his textbook and sat back in his chair. "Brian, if there's a point to this, I wish you'd get to it. I'd like to go home and get some sleep."  
  
Brian glanced over the top of the paper. "You know, you do look awfully tired. The Boy Wonder keeping you up all night?"  
  
Ethan got up to leave. Brian quickly interjected, "All right, that was uncalled for. Stay. You have time at least to finish your coffee."  
  
He sat back down and stared expectantly. Debbie returned with Brian's coffee, set down wordlessly in front of him, with another suspicious glare shot at each of them. Apparently she was satisfied that everything was still civil, because she walked away. Brian took a sip. Ethan still stared.  
  
Finally, Brian spoke. "Seriously, I want to know how things are going between the two of you."  
  
Ethan snorted. "I really don't see how that's any of your business."  
  
"Maybe not, but as his academic sponsor I have a personal stake in the success of his educational career. And he hasn't been looking well lately."  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "His academic sponsor?"  
  
"Oh, I guess he didn't tell you. But, come on, you didn't really think that Daddy had a change of heart and paid for it, did you?"  
  
"I suspected."  
  
"Well then, you're more than just a pretty face after all."  
  
He took a deep breath before responding. "If you must know, Brian, I've noticed that he hasn't been himself, too. But it has nothing to do with the state of our relationship, I assure you. We're doing just fine."  
  
Brian nodded. "So his hand hasn't been acting up, then?"  
  
Ethan was caught off guard. "He says it gets tired, and then he has trouble controlling it." He paused, then added, "He never told me what happened."  
  
"I see." Brian said, then looked at his watch. "I'd be happy to tell you about it, but I have an appointment at my place soon. Unless . . ." he grinned, ". . . you'd like to come with me?"  
  
Ethan chuckled derisively. "I don't think so, I was taught never to go anywhere with strangers."  
  
Brian shrugged. "Suit yourself." He collected his suitcase and deposited a bill on the table for the coffee. He got up and began to walk away. Ethan thought a moment, then started after him.  
  
"Brian . . ." Brian looked back. "He has these nightmares sometimes, and he refuses to talk about them. I want to help him but he won't let me."  
  
Brian smiled, a little more genuinely, and said, "I think you should come with me, Ethan. I can tell you everything you need to know."  
  
* * *  
  
"He's mostly recovered, but ever since he's had trouble with his hand. The computer helped somewhat, but his drawing has never been quite back to normal."  
  
"I see," Ethan said quietly, overwhelmed. He didn't know what bothered him more, everything he'd just heard, or that he was hearing it from Brian instead of from his boyfriend.  
  
Brian got up from the chair and sat next to Ethan on the couch. He reached into his coat and produced a pipe. He lit it and took a hit. Then he held it out to Ethan, who hesitated briefly before accepting. With all that he'd found out, he needed something to calm him. Moments after exhaled the smoke, his head began to swim. "Good shit," Brian said, coughing a little. They smoked together in silence.  
  
After they finished, Ethan stood. "I don't know why you wanted to tell me all of this, Brian, but I'd better go. He'll be out of class soon, and he'll wonder where I am." Ethan dizzied a little, more affected than he realized by the weed. Brian stood up and put his hands on his shoulders, to steady him.  
  
"Easy, maybe I should give you a ride home."  
  
"No, I'm fine. I need to get out of here."  
  
Looking around for his book bag and violin case, Ethan didn't notice as Brian checked his watch for the third or fourth time since their meeting. And it took him a moment to realize what was happening as Brian suddenly pulled him close and began kissing him.  
  
He pulled back, angry. "What are you doing?" he demanded.  
  
"Relax," Brian cooed, gently pushing Ethan down onto the couch. "No one is going to find out."  
  
A protest stuck in his throat as Brian swiftly unzipped Ethan's pants and pulled out his cock, hard despite himself. The expertise of Brian's lips and tongue were persuasive. His head dropped back in confused ecstasy.  
  
Distracted as he was, Ethan didn't hear the click of the door as it opened, and the soft, padding footsteps as they halted in the entryway.  
  
"Brian? Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you had . . . Oh my god."  
  
Brian stood and turned to face his visitor. Ethan stared up at him and followed his bemused gaze to the doorway.  
  
His breath stopped short as he met Justin's wide-eyed, jaw-dropped expression.  
  
Brian broke the silence. "Justin, what a coincidence, your friend and I were just talking about you."  
  
His eyes flew back and forth between Brian's malicious smile and Ethan's pale-faced horror. He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, forcing two heavy tears to drop. Then, quickly, he turned and left.  
  
The footsteps were vanishing down the stairwell when Ethan snapped out of his shock. He searched Brian's face, pained and enraged, to find him grinning, satisfied. Tears fell from his own eyes as he zipped his pants, grabbed his things, and chased after Justin.  
  
Brian went over and closed the door after him, then returned to his chair. He lit a cigarette, put his feet up, and laughed out loud. He remained there for a while, contemplating the enormity of what he'd just done.  
  
* * *  
  
He didn't catch up to Justin until he reached the apartment. There he found him, crying, throwing some things into a bag. He didn't look up when Ethan burst through the door. "Justin . . ." he began, not knowing what he could possibly say.  
  
"I can't believe you have the nerve to even look at me right now."  
  
"I - I don't know what to say, but please -" He reached for Justin's arm, and was shrugged off violently.  
  
"Don't touch me." Justin said coolly, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.  
  
Ethan stood back, tears flowing freely now. "Where will you go?"  
  
"Not that you have any right to ask, but I'm going to Debbie's. I don't know if I'll be back. Don't follow me."  
  
Ethan was silent as Justin zipped his bag and walked out the door, never meeting his eyes. The door slammed shut and Ethan didn't follow. Reeling, he fell backwards onto the bed. The ceiling spun. Crying, he passed out.  
  
end Part One 


	2. Part Two

Disclaimer: Queer as Folk isn't mine. It's ShowTime et al's. I've just invited the boys out to play. Hopefully they won't be too damaged when I return them.  
  
Author's Note: The devil made me do it.  
  
"I don't see how you could have done such a thing. What were you thinking?"  
  
Brian set his jaw. This latest reprisal was coming from Lindsay as they were preparing to take Gus for a walk. He'd heard it all; first from an irate Debbie, then, surprisingly, from Michael who somehow felt betrayed by the whole thing, and now from Lindsay. "What were you trying to accomplish?"  
  
"As I've told everyone else, it's none of your business. I saw an opportunity, and I took it. End of story."  
  
"Brian Kinney, you are not going to make me believe for one second that Ethan was just another sexual conquest to you. And right in front of Justin, my god, I didn't think even you could be that cruel."  
  
"Well, you learn something new every day."  
  
"I'll tell you one thing. For all your protestations I know you love him, and now you've gone and fucked it up for good this time. You'll be lucky if he ever speaks to you again." She took the stroller and began walking quickly, leaving Brian behind. "Gus and I can walk by ourselves today."  
  
* * *  
  
Two weeks had gone by since he'd lured Ethan to his apartment, and Brian still didn't know why he'd done it. But he had, and it worked like a charm - Justin was refusing to see or speak to Ethan despite his profuse answering-machine apologies and moonlight serenades outside of Debbie's place. Justin hadn't spoken to him, either, but that didn't matter. He didn't regret it.  
  
He was getting ready to go to Babylon when the knock came at his door. He wasn't expecting anyone, but wasn't all that surprised when he opened it to find Justin on the other side. He said as much. "Fancy meeting you here."  
  
Justin was playing cool. "Can I come in?"  
  
Brian stepped aside. "By all means, make yourself at home."  
  
Justin winced at the comment, as the loft still did feel very much like home. He sat down. Brian didn't join him, but continued to preen. Justin lost patience and followed him to the bathroom door, where Brian was shaving. Brian glanced over at his reflection. "How may I be of service, Sunshine?"  
  
Justin scowled. "Don't give me that. You know exactly why I'm here. What I want to know is why he was here, and why you seduced him."  
  
Brian paused, eyebrow upraised. "I seduced him? Now how do you know that? I could have been the victim of his charming smile and siren song just like you were."  
  
Justin huffed, but did not break off the discussion. Brian finished shaving under his angry watch. After he toweled off, he spoke. "I saw your boyfriend at the diner. He was looking upset and so I went over to him. He asked me why you'd been having nightmares."  
  
"And I suppose you told him all about it."  
  
"As a matter of fact, I did. And he was very upset that you hadn't told him yourself. I was trying to make him feel better. Call it a freak act of altruism."  
  
Justin turned away, disgusted. Then, remembering the last thing he meant to ask about before he left Brian's life and never came back, he took a deep breath and turned back. "Did you get my message that said I'd be coming over for some drawings that day?"  
  
Brian looked away silently.  
  
"You did, didn't you? You knew I was coming and you brought him here on purpose!"  
  
"Hey, I didn't drag him in at gunpoint. And I certainly didn't force myself on him. As I recall, he seemed to be enjoying it until you interrupted."  
  
Justin's eyes welled up, and he turned to leave before he completely lost his composure. Coming to Brian had been a mistake. It didn't give him any understanding, just rubbed salt in the wound. Before he could reach the door, Brian caught up with him. He waited, without looking Brian in the eye.  
  
"Now you answer something for me. Just why is it that you're so upset? Is it because Ethan cheated on you, or because it was me that he did it with?"  
  
Head still turned away, Justin answered quietly. "You know why." Then he left.  
  
Brian, a little less sure of himself, finished getting ready and headed to the club.  
  
* * *  
  
There was a soft knock on the bedroom door. "Sunshine?"  
  
Justin rubbed his eyes and cleared his throat. "What is it, Debbie?"  
  
Debbie poked her head in. She spoke softly, concerned. "Honey, I know you told me you didn't want to see him, but don't you think it's been long enough?"  
  
"No, I don't. Just tell him to leave me alone."  
  
"She already tried that," Ethan said as he stepped past Debbie and into Michael's old room. Justin glowered at her, and she mouthed "Sorry" before she closed the door behind her and shuffled down the hall.  
  
"You can keep those flowers," Justin said without looking up.  
  
Ethan sheepishly brought a bouquet of roses out from behind his back and laid them down on the bed. "I know, it's a little clichéd."  
  
Justin finally looked up. Ethan saw that he'd been crying. "I've heard all your apologies, it doesn't make any difference."  
  
Ethan sat down next to him. "Then can you please tell me what will?"  
  
"Nothing." Justin said, matter-of-factly.  
  
"Look, it was a big, huge, astronomical mistake to go over to Brian's place. I know that. And I know I'm the worst boyfriend anybody ever had and that I completely deserve it if you never see me again. But please, can't we just talk about it first?"  
  
Quietly, Justin said, "You're not the worst boyfriend." He was the worst boyfriend. That much had become abundantly clear.  
  
"Justin, I love you. I didn't go there to hurt you. I went there because you were hurting. How could I have known what a disaster it would be?"  
  
"Oh, yeah, from where I was standing it looked like you were really upset about events."  
  
"We'd been smoking, I was fucked up . . ."  
  
Justin snorted. "That isn't an excuse."  
  
"You're right."  
  
Ethan got up to leave, and Justin put a hand on his arm. "Wait," he said. Ethan brightened. "I went to see Brian today."  
  
Ethan sat back down. "So you'll speak to him but not to -"  
  
Justin cut him off. "Shut up and listen. What I found out was that Brian knew I was coming. I'd left him a message earlier to tell him I'd be there that afternoon at 2:30 to pick up some drawings I'd left."  
  
"I'd wondered why you were there, but I didn't think I had any right to ask."  
  
"Well, that's why. And he knew it. He set you up. Us up."  
  
Ethan was silent. He'd been furious for what Brian did, but he hadn't realized the extent of the premeditation involved. If Brian had wanted Justin back so badly, he could have just asked him to come home. As much as he hated to admit it, Ethan figured that was all it would really take. He shook his head, willing those thoughts away. "So, what does that mean?" he said eventually.  
  
Justin sighed. "I don't know. Maybe nothing." He looked at Ethan, who was trying very hard to hide the hopeful look on his face. "Or maybe it means that we should talk about this at home."  
  
Ethan smiled softly. He picked up the discarded roses and thrust them towards Justin, who was slowly gathering his belongings. Justin couldn't help but smile at the puppy-dog expression looking up at him. He took the flowers.  
  
When Justin was finished packing, Ethan took his bag and carried it back to his - their - apartment.  
  
* * *  
  
Brian, Michael, and Ben were having breakfast in the diner the next morning. Michael was telling them about his ideas for the comic book, and Brian kept interrupting with details about his encounter last night with the Spanish boy he'd picked up at Babylon. Ben was watching the exchange with bemused boredom. Suddenly he looked up, and he nudged Michael. He stopped talking and stared. Brian was annoyed. "What the hell are you two ladies gawking at?" He turned to look.  
  
Justin and Ethan had entered the diner, hand in hand. They nodded a quick hello to Michael and Ben before taking a booth out of sight of the threesome. Neither of them looked at Brian.  
  
"Well," Brian said sarcastically, "isn't that sweet. The happy couple has reconciled." Michael and Ben didn't reply. All of a sudden their breakfasts had become fascinating. After a moment, Brian got up. "Debbie, I think I'll take this bagel to go."  
  
Without another word, Brian left, alone. Ben and Mike shared a concerned look before resuming their meals and conversation.  
  
As Ethan read the menu, Justin poked his head around the side of the booth just in time to watch Brian disappear out the door. Then, putting a smile on, he returned to his breakfast date.  
  
end 


End file.
